Self-Esteem and Self-Acceptance: TOP 10 Steps to Confidence

Self-esteem is a personality trait that reflects our attitude toward ourselves and our ability to value ourselves. It includes a person’s perception of their self-worth, their achievements, abilities, strengths, and weaknesses.

Self-esteem is formed based on internal beliefs and the influence of the environment, experiences, and interactions with others.

Where do these beliefs about self-esteem come from? Here are a few examples:

1. Parents and Family

A child who is constantly criticized at home and compared to older siblings may develop low self-esteem, believing they are less talented or less worthy of love.
On the other hand, a child who receives support, is praised for their efforts, and is helped to overcome challenges will have a more positive and stable self-esteem.

2. Educational Institutions

A student who is regularly identified as “lagging behind” or “not as smart” as others may come to believe they are incapable of learning.
Conversely, a student who is encouraged by teachers, who are shown how to use their strengths, will feel more competent and confident.

3. Friends and Peers

A teenager who is frequently mocked or excluded from groups may feel rejected and insecure about their social skills.
On the other hand, a teenager who feels supported and accepted by friends or peers will have higher social confidence.

4. Professional Experience

An individual who frequently faces failure at work without receiving adequate support from colleagues and supervisors may feel incompetent.
Conversely, a worker who regularly receives recognition for their achievements and help in overcoming difficulties can boost their professional confidence.

5. Media and Social Networks

An individual who constantly compares their life to the “perfect” images on social media may feel unlucky or unattractive.
On the other hand, a person surrounded by positive and supportive online communities will feel more confident in themselves and their uniqueness.

These examples demonstrate how external factors and experiences can profoundly influence the formation of our self-esteem throughout life.

The Importance of Self-Esteem

What do you think the importance of self-esteem is? What does it affect? Why is there so much attention in media, YouTube, and elsewhere on how to boost self-esteem?

Motivation and Ambitions. People with high self-esteem tend to set more ambitious goals because they believe in their ability to succeed.
Emotional State. Self-esteem influences our emotional balance. People with low self-esteem are more prone to stress, anxiety, and depression.
Interactions with Others. People with high self-esteem generally find it easier to establish social contacts and possess better communication skills.
Response to Challenges. These individuals are usually more resilient to life’s difficulties and criticism, adopting a more constructive approach to problem-solving.
Success in Various Life Areas. Self-esteem affects educational and professional success as it reflects our belief in our abilities.
Health. There is a connection between self-esteem and health. People with high self-esteem tend to take better care of their health and maintain healthy habits.
Personal Development. Self-esteem is a key factor in self-realization and self-improvement.

For many, working on improving self-esteem is a crucial aspect of personal development as it affects many areas of life.

Healthy and Unhealthy Self-Esteem

Healthy self-esteem reflects a realistic perception and assessment of oneself and is based on accepting one’s uniqueness, strengths, and acknowledgment of weaknesses. People with healthy self-esteem generally have the following characteristics:

Realistic Self-Perception. They understand their strengths and limitations and do not idealize themselves.
Flexibility. They are willing to adapt to changes and admit their mistakes.
Acceptance of Criticism. They can distinguish between constructive criticism and personal attacks.
Balance. They are capable of expressing their thoughts and needs without aggression or passivity.
Self-Acceptance. They accept themselves with all their strengths and weaknesses.
Resilience to Stress. They can cope with difficulties and challenges.

Unhealthy self-esteem can be either inflated or deflated. People with unhealthy self-esteem often exhibit the following characteristics:

Distorted Self-Perception. They may overestimate or underestimate their abilities and achievements.
Sensitivity to Criticism. They may perceive constructive criticism as aggression against them.
Feelings of Helplessness. They believe that they do not control their life or circumstances.
Dependence on External Validation. They seek confirmation of their self-worth from others.
Avoidance of Challenges. Due to fear of failure or criticism, they may avoid new tasks or challenges.
Defensive Behavior. They may use defense mechanisms such as denial, rationalization, or avoidance of responsibility to protect their unhealthy self-esteem.

Understanding these characteristics is important for determining one’s level of self-esteem and working on improving it.

Causes of Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem can arise for various reasons, including:

Childhood trauma and negative experiences. Lack of support, neglect, physical or emotional abuse during childhood can lead to the development of low self-esteem.
Negative self-talk. Constant self-criticism, negative beliefs about oneself and one’s capabilities.
Past failures. Unsuccessful attempts, failures, and disappointments may affect self-esteem, especially if a person sees them as a reflection of their incompetence.
Social pressure. Society, media, and social networks can set standards that are difficult or impossible to follow. In some cases, this may lead to feelings of inadequacy.
Comparing oneself to others. The tendency to compare oneself to others and feel that you don’t measure up can exacerbate low self-esteem.
External criticism and rejection. Rejection or criticism from others can affect self-esteem, especially if a person is already prone to self-criticism.
Stress and chronic health problems. Prolonged periods of stress or chronic illness can impact self-esteem.
Academic or professional failures. Failures in school or work can lead to feelings of incompetence.
Addiction to alcohol, drugs, or other substances can lead to low self-esteem.
Established stereotypes based on gender, race, sexual orientation, etc., can contribute to an individual devaluing themselves.

It’s important to understand that the causes of low self-esteem are individual and may combine in various ways for each person. To overcome low self-esteem, it’s crucial to identify its causes and work on them using different strategies and approaches.

Impact of Low Self-Esteem on a Person’s Life

Low self-esteem can have a profound impact on various aspects of an individual’s life. Some of the most noticeable consequences include:

Interpersonal relationships. People with low self-esteem often struggle to form and maintain healthy relationships. They may experience constant fear of rejection, difficulty setting boundaries, and defending their rights.
Professional life. Low self-esteem limits career growth opportunities. A person may avoid challenges, fear taking responsibility, or underestimate their achievements.
Mental health. Individuals with low self-esteem are prone to developing various psychological issues such as depression, anxiety, addictions, and complexes.
Physical health. Stress and anxiety, often accompanying low self-esteem, can lead to a range of physical problems, including sleep disturbances, appetite issues, and weakened immunity.
Risk of developing addictions. To cope with the emotional pain and discomfort caused by low self-esteem, some people may turn to alcohol abuse, drugs, overeating, gambling, or other forms of addiction.
Avoidance of tasks. People with low self-esteem often avoid new tasks or challenges due to fear of failure.
Self-criticism. They may regularly criticize themselves, focusing on their flaws and mistakes.
High sensitivity. Such individuals tend to be overly sensitive to criticism or negative comments from others.
Low sense of self-worth. They may feel unworthy of love, respect, or success.
Difficulty in decision-making. Insecurity may lead to hesitation and postponement of important decisions.

It’s worth noting that not every person with low self-esteem will experience all these consequences, and the intensity of such feelings can also vary. However, the impact of low self-esteem is often deep and all-encompassing, making it important to address this issue and seek ways to overcome it.

Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance is a positive, holistic, and realistic perception and evaluation of oneself, regardless of one’s weaknesses, mistakes, or the opinions of others. It involves acknowledging and accepting one’s qualities, capabilities, and shortcomings.

Key Characteristics of Self-Acceptance:

Wholeness. A person views themselves as a unified, indivisible individual, accepting both strengths and weaknesses.
Realism. The individual objectively evaluates their abilities, achievements, and shortcomings, without exaggerating or downplaying them.
Resilience. Self-acceptance doesn’t change due to external circumstances or the opinions of others.
Inner harmony. Accepting oneself leads to a sense of inner peace, comfort, and tranquility.
Absence of self-criticism. While a person may recognize their flaws, they do not focus on them or blame themselves for them.
Flexibility. A person is able to adapt to new circumstances, continually learning about and developing themselves.
Independence from external approval. The individual doesn’t feel the need for constant external validation of their worth.
Self-respect. A person takes care of their physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

Self-acceptance is a crucial psychological component that contributes to stability, a positive outlook on life, and effective interactions with the world.

The Importance of Self-Acceptance for Psychological Well-Being

Self-acceptance is a key element of psychological well-being. Here’s why it is so important:

Inner harmony. Accepting both strengths and weaknesses leads to inner peace and balance. This helps avoid inner conflicts and promotes a sense of equilibrium.
Stress reduction. People who accept themselves are less likely to worry about mistakes or failures, which in turn reduces stress levels.
Increased confidence. Self-acceptance correlates with self-confidence. People who accept themselves believe in their abilities and potential.
Improved relationships. A self-accepting person generally finds it easier to establish connections with others because they are less afraid of judgment or criticism.
Mental health. Self-acceptance can protect against various psychological problems such as depression, anxiety or low self-esteem.
Motivation for personal growth. By accepting themselves, a person understands that they can always become a better version of themselves, which motivates personal growth.
Capacity for self-compassion. People with a high level of self-acceptance are more forgiving of their mistakes and can treat themselves with compassion.
Decisiveness. A self-accepting person is more likely to take action and less afraid of challenges because they understand their value.

Considering the above, it’s clear why self-acceptance is the foundation of psychological well-being. It leads to a more harmonious, fulfilling life and improves the quality of our interactions with the world.

Methods and Exercises for Developing Self-Acceptance

You can develop self-acceptance using various methods and exercises.

Gratitude Journal. Write down 3-5 things you are grateful for each day. This can be anything from small joys in life to significant achievements.

Here are some specific examples of things or people you can be grateful for:

People:

Family for their support and love;
Friends for good times and understanding;
Colleagues for helping with work;
Strangers who did something nice for you for no reason.

Yourself:

For goals you’ve achieved;
For self-discipline or work you’ve accomplished;
For overcoming difficulties and not giving up.

Life Circumstances:

For new opportunities that have opened up;
For lessons learned the hard way;
For moments of peace and relaxation.

Nature and the Universe:

For a sunny day;
For the beautiful landscapes or sunset you witnessed;
For nature’s gifts: fresh air, drinking water, etc.

Objects and Resources:

For a favorite book that provides new knowledge or emotions;
For means of transport that help you get around;
For technology that simplifies everyday life.

Experience:

For past experiences that helped in current situations;
For the chance to learn from your own mistakes.

These examples can be expanded, but the main idea of the gratitude journal is to focus on personal experiences and feelings that make your day special and help you appreciate life.

Affirmations. Create positive statements about yourself and repeat them every day, for example: “I am a valuable person,” “I accept myself as I am.”

Regarding the frequency of affirmations, there are no strict rules, but here are a few recommendations:

Frequency. Start by repeating affirmations at least in the morning and evening, 5-10 times. This can be done silently in your mind or out loud.
Consistency. To gain the maximum benefit, it’s important to apply affirmations regularly. For lasting results, affirmations should be repeated over several weeks or even months.
Timing. Besides regular morning and evening repetitions, you can use affirmations in moments of doubt, stress, or negative emotions to quickly change your mindset and fill your thoughts with positivity.
Writing. You can also write affirmations on paper or sticky notes and place them in visible places: mirrors, desks, fridges, etc. You can even stick a large note inside your fridge saying, “I have a slim figure, and it will stay that way.” This will also work in your favor.
Meditation with Affirmations. Adding affirmations to meditation practice can enhance their effect, especially during deep relaxation.

It’s important to choose affirmations that resonate with your needs and beliefs. It’s also essential to believe in what you’re saying and feel an emotional connection to the affirmation.

Meditation. Take time to focus on your feelings, thoughts, and emotions without analyzing or judging them.
Identifying Strengths. Try to identify your strengths and think about how you use them in everyday life.
Visualization. Imagine yourself in a situation where you fully accept yourself. How do you look? How do you feel?
Reflection. Ask yourself questions about your actions, thoughts, and feelings. Try to understand why you feel, think, or act a certain way.
Nathaniel Branden’s “5 Pillars of Self-Esteem”. Nathaniel Branden, an American psychologist, psychotherapist, and author known for his work on self-esteem, suggests the following:

Live consciously;
Accept yourself;
Take responsibility;
Set personal boundaries and respect them;
Live purposefully, with clear goals and aspirations, and actively work toward achieving them.

A purposeful life is one focused on specific intentions and goals, rather than simply “drifting along.”

Handling Criticism. When criticized, try to look at it objectively, separating yourself from the negativity.
Psychotherapy. Working with a professional psychologist can help to process and overcome barriers to self-acceptance.
Self-Inquiry. Ask yourself why you might not accept certain aspects of your personality. What lies behind these feelings?
“Letter to Your Younger Self” Exercise. Write a letter to your younger self, offering advice and support. Writing to your younger self is a way of reflecting on past experiences, learning life lessons, and expressing compassion for your younger self.
Setting Boundaries. Learn to set and define your personal boundaries with others. This helps reinforce self-esteem. Setting boundaries is about determining which behaviors are acceptable or unacceptable for you in personal, professional, and other relationships. It helps to maintain respect for yourself and your mental health.

Here are some specific examples of setting boundaries:

Personal Relationships:

I don’t allow others to raise their voice or yell at me;
I decide when and how often I want to spend time with certain people;
I don’t discuss my personal life with people I don’t trust.

Professional Relationships:

I don’t answer work calls or emails after 7:00 PM;
I take a lunch break and don’t work during that time;
I refuse to take on tasks outside my duties without discussing it with management.

Social Media and Technology:

I don’t accept friend requests from strangers;
I turn off notifications at night to ensure a peaceful sleep;
I set privacy settings in my social media profiles.

Physical Boundaries:

I only allow close people to touch me;
I choose who to invite into my home;
I decide whether or not to participate in hugs or other forms of physical contact.

Emotional Boundaries:

I don’t allow others to disrespect or criticize me;
I have the right to express my feelings without fear of judgment;
I choose which emotions to share and with whom.

Setting boundaries is an important rule for maintaining self-respect. They can vary from person to person, but the key is to clearly understand your needs and stand up for them.

Boosting Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is the belief in your abilities, skills, and capacities, which helps you achieve your goals regardless of obstacles.

Benefits of Self-Confidence:

Overcoming obstacles. Confident people handle challenges and obstacles more easily because they believe in their abilities.
Motivation to act. Self-confidence encourages action, even when faced with uncertainty or risk.
Improved interpersonal relationships. Confident individuals find it easier to connect with others, enter relationships, and express their needs and desires.
Reduced stress and anxiety. Belief in oneself helps reduce feelings of uncertainty in situations that may be perceived as threatening.
Career growth. Confidence opens up more opportunities at work, as you’re ready to take responsibility, engage in new projects, and face challenges.
Self-acceptance. Confident people have a more positive attitude toward themselves, respect themselves and their needs more.
Viewing challenges as opportunities. Confident individuals tend to see challenges as opportunities for growth and development rather than threats.
Increased life satisfaction. Self-confidence correlates with a higher level of life satisfaction.

Self-confidence plays a crucial role in personal development, goal achievement, and improving life quality. It’s a trait that can be developed and strengthened over time through self-reflection, interaction with others, learning, and experience.

Tips, Techniques, and Exercises for Boosting Self-Confidence

Practice affirmations. Regularly repeat positive statements about yourself and your abilities. For example: “I am capable of overcoming challenges” or “I believe in my strengths and abilities.”
Keep a success journal. Record small and big achievements to remind yourself of your successes.
Set and achieve small goals. Setting and achieving short-term goals can significantly boost your self-confidence.
Visualize your achievements. Imagine your accomplishments in detail. How do you look, what do you feel, what sounds do you hear?
Dress in a way that makes you feel good. When you feel good in your clothing, your confidence increases.
Maintain good posture. Stand tall, look ahead. Your posture can influence how confident you feel.
Engage in enjoyable activities. Doing what you love boosts your self-confidence.
Learn something new. New skills or knowledge can boost your confidence.
Stay physically active. It helps you feel better both physically and mentally.
Don’t compare yourself to others. Instead of comparing yourself to others, compare yourself to who you were before.
Focus on your positive qualities. Try to focus on your strengths and accomplishments.
Use feedback. Get constructive criticism from trusted individuals and use it for personal growth.
Let go of perfectionism. Strive for high standards, but allow for the possibility of mistakes.
Work on your fears. Identify what scares you and develop strategies to overcome those fears.

By using these techniques and exercises regularly, you can boost your self-confidence and improve the quality of your life.

Now, I want to focus on three techniques that, in my opinion, are less understood but the most effective.

Visualization for Confidence Boosting

Preparation
Find a cozy, quiet place where you won’t be disturbed for 10-15 minutes. Sit or lie down and get comfortable. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
Start Visualizing
Imagine yourself in a place where you feel most comfortable. It could be your favorite park, beach, mountains, or any place where you always feel peaceful and safe.
Journey to Confidence
Imagine there is a mirror in front of you. Walk towards it. Looking into the imaginary mirror, you see yourself, but this is your confident version. You look confident, stand tall, and have a confident smile on your face. Imagine how confidence feels in your body. Listen to your calm heartbeat and steady breathing.
Merging with Your Confident Version
Step forward and imagine “merging” with this confident version of yourself. Feel the confidence flowing into every part of your body. Listen to your inner sensations, perhaps you have some thoughts or words you want to say to yourself.
Ending the Visualization
Return to the place where you felt comfortable at the beginning of the visualization. Take a few deep breaths and slowly open your eyes. Feel like a renewed person, confident and ready to act in the real world.

Visualization is a powerful tool for boosting self-confidence, especially when practiced regularly. Try this technique before important events or whenever you need an extra dose of confidence.

Success Journal for Boosting Confidence

Choose a format. This could be a paper notebook, an electronic document on your computer, or a note-taking app on your smartphone.
Frequency of entries. Decide how often you’ll make entries. It could be daily, weekly, or anytime you feel you’ve accomplished something important.
Structure of entries:
- Date. Record the date of each specific achievement.
- Description of the achievement. Describe the specific success, even if it’s a small step or task. For example, “I overcame my fear and gave a public speech in front of a large audience.”
- Feelings and thoughts. Write down your feelings and thoughts related to this achievement. For example, “I was very happy that I overcame my anxiety” or “I feel proud of myself.”
- Lesson learned. If there are lessons you’ve learned from this achievement, write them down. This will help with reflection and future growth.
Review the journal. Once a week or month, take time to review your entries. This will help you see your progress and achievements, which will boost your self-confidence.
Visual representation. You can add photos, stickers, drawings, or anything else to your success journal that helps you feel that moment of success.
Reflection. Each month, make a summary entry where you note your biggest achievements, overall progress, and set goals for the next month.

A success journal is a powerful tool for boosting confidence as it helps you reflect on your accomplishments and feel grateful for what you’ve achieved.

Step-by-Step Guide to Achieving a Major Goal

Context: A woman wants to become healthier, lose excess weight, and strengthen her body.

Step 1. Define the main goal

Main goal: Lose 10 kg in 6 months.

Step 2. Break the main goal into smaller goals

Walk 8,000 steps daily for the next month.
Cut out chocolate and sugary drinks for the next month.
Sign up for group yoga classes and attend them twice a week.
Reduce meal portions by 10% over the next month.
Weigh yourself weekly and record the results.

Step 3. Implement small goals

Every evening, she checks her step counter. If by the evening she hasn’t reached 8,000 steps, she walks to the store instead of driving and finishes the missing steps.
Instead of chocolate, she eats fruits and nuts.
She signs up for yoga and sets a reminder not to miss classes.
She uses smaller plates to control portions.
Every Saturday morning, she weighs herself and records the result.

Step 4. Monitor and adjust

Every month, she analyzes her achievements. If she feels that any goal from this chain of small goals isn’t working, or her motivation weakens, she adjusts her actions or adds new motivating elements.

What could these motivating elements be?

Rewards for achievements. This could be something you truly want: a new item of clothing, a restaurant visit, a trip to the cinema, or another form of relaxation.
Partnership. Finding a partner with similar goals can help motivate you.
Public promises. Making public promises to friends or family to achieve a certain goal can add responsibility.
Variety. Changing the way you achieve your goal can help avoid routine.
Reminder of the big goal. Constantly reminding yourself why you started this journey will help maintain motivation.
Celebration of small wins. Don’t wait for the big result to celebrate. Small wins are important too.
Achievement journal. To step-by-step achieve your main goal, start a journal where you record even your smallest achievements. It will serve as a motivating reflection of your progress.
Visual reminders. Motivating and goal-reminding photos, quotes, and pictures placed in visible spots will serve as constant stimuli.

Using one or more of these motivating elements will help keep your motivation high and encourage you to take action.

Metaphorical Self-Confidence Test

Choose the animal that you think best symbolizes confidence:
A) Lion.

B) Dolphin.

C) Hummingbird.

D) Turtle.
Imagine you are walking through a forest and come across an old door leading to a dungeon. What would you do?
A) Pass by without paying attention.

B) Open the door and look inside.

C) Stop to examine the door, but not go inside.

D) Quickly leave.
If you could be invisible for one day, what would you do?
A) Observe people without their knowledge.

B) Continue with your usual activities.

C) Use it for personal gain.

D) Enjoy the adventure and do things you wouldn’t normally risk doing in public.
Which element resonates most with you?
A) Fire.

B) Water.

C) Earth.

D) Air.
Imagine you are on a ship in a storm. What is your initial feeling?
A) Fear.

B) Excitement from the situation.

C) Calmness and trust in the captain and crew.

D) Desire to take control of the situation.

Test Results and Analysis

Choice of Animal
A) Lion: Your confidence is based on dominance and strength. You feel confident when you sense your power and can lead.

B) Dolphin: You feel confident in interacting with strangers and adapt quickly to new circumstances.

C) Hummingbird: You make decisions confidently, easily, and fairly quickly.

D) Turtle: Your confidence is rooted in persistence and stability. You feel confident when you work diligently in a stable environment.
Attitude Toward the Unknown
A) Pass by: You tend to avoid unfamiliar situations.

B) Look inside: You are ready to explore the new and take on challenges.

C) Examine: You exhibit caution and contemplation before making a decision.

D) Quickly leave: You prefer to avoid potential danger or risk.
Attitude Toward Invisibility
A) Observing others: This shows a tendency towards reflection and self-analysis.

B) Continuing usual activities: This indicates you are resilient and self-sufficient.

C) Personal gain: This reflects an orientation towards opportunities. If you see a chance, you won’t miss it.

D) Adventure: You crave new experiences and sensations.
Choice of Element
A) Fire: You have a passionate and energetic approach to life.

B) Water: You are flexible and adaptive.

C) Earth: You are practical and stable.

D) Air: You are open to new ideas and encounters and seek freedom.
Attitude Toward a Crisis Situation
A) Fear: You need to work on your confidence in unfamiliar or stressful situations.

B) Excitement: You have the ability to see opportunities even in challenging circumstances.

C) Calmness: You are able to trust others and calm down quickly.

D) Control: You want to always have control over the situation and are not afraid to take responsibility.

Results

13 to 15 points: Your confidence is at the highest level. You trust your intuitive decisions and feel comfortable in most situations.
9 to 12 points: You have moderate confidence. You tend to trust your decisions but sometimes have doubts.
5 to 8 points: You should work on your confidence. You may have certain areas causing doubts.
Less than 5 points: Your confidence is low; you need to work on increasing it. First, understand the reasons for your self-doubt.

A quick note for those who score lower than desired… Don’t be discouraged! This is a fun test and not a diagnosis. If you really want to assess your true level of self-confidence, you should take more serious tests, such as:

Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale (RSES): A brief yet reliable tool to determine an individual’s overall self-esteem.
Rotter’s Locus of Control Scale: This test shows the locus of control, or how much a person believes their life depends on their actions or external circumstances.
Coopersmith Self-Esteem Inventory: A test consisting of statements to determine how positively or negatively a person views themselves.
Bandura’s Self-Efficacy Scale: This test determines a person’s belief in their ability to effectively handle specific tasks or situations.
Tennessee Self-Concept Scale: Shows the overall picture of how a person perceives themselves.